FanPost

WHO DA HELL WE PLAYING THIS WEEK??!! South Carolina Edition

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IT'S COCK WEEK YA'LL!!!

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Well, sorry about that boys and girls. Just had to post that one.

Anyhow...

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Oh shit. We better not lose this weekend against this idiot.

On with the damn show...

WHO DA HELL IS SOUTH CAROLINA?

Summary: The University of South Carolina is a public, co-educational research university in Columbia, South Carolina, United States, with seven satellite campuses.

Mascot: Gamecocks (and the mascot name is "Cocky"...man they are obsessed with the word "Cock")

Total Enrollment: 33,772

Football Team Record: 3-2 (1-2 SEC...but don't count Misery because they are poop)

Head Coach: This mother tRUCKER

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Fun Fact: They are called the Gamecocks. That's all you need to know. They also have a live cock that they keep on the sidelines so it can do...I don't know...cock things? Also they have a good women's basketball team. Hell yeah.

WHO DA HELL PLAYS FOR SOUTH CAROLINA?

Best Players: Well, the team starts and ends with the quarterback Jake Bentley. Bentley is a very good quarterback despite having an offensive line worse than ours. Yes, South Carolina has a worse offensive line than Arkansas. It seems that Bentley has had a bit of a slump lately with the loss of top wide receiver Deebo Samuel who would have struck fear in the hearts of all that saw what Christian Kirk did to us about a week and a half ago. Now one guy to really watch out for is Hayden Hurst the tight end with the same initials as the legend Hunter Henry (moment of silence for the "Hunter Heave"). This guy is a wild card in the South Carolina offense, and will provide a stiff test to the new Arkansas scheme. Also Bryan Edwards is beginning to emerge as a nice target for Bentley, but I don't know if he can handle the load for the entire offense.

Other Important Players: The South Carolina defense is doing better than expected this year, but lacks the depth to drag a mediocre to bad offense. That being said, the linebacker Skai Moore is very serviceable. He will need to play VERY good to stop an efficient Arkansas running attack. Also look out for the South Carolina Defensive Line in general on 3rd down. They don't get to the quarterback very often early, but those guys will be coming with the bull rush to get to the QB on the critical down.

Complete South Carolina Roster: Click Here To Go To Cocks dot Com To See The Rest Of The Cocks

HOW DA HELL DO WE BEAT SOUTH CAROLINA?

  1. Be Efficient and Wear Down South Carolina: The defense is serviceable for South Carolina, but they lack the depth to stay with the Hogs if the Razorbacks go on long, methodical drives. If Arkansas can play decent defense, keep the Carolina defense on the field for a long time, and score touchdowns, this game will get out of hand in a good way.

  2. Blitz That Damn Offensive Line PLEASE: Another way to get this game out of hand early is to blitz one of the WORST offensive lines in College Football. Yes, this offensive line is WORSE than the Hogs. They can't run block, and they can't pass block. Blitz and you will succeed. Texas A&M literally sacked these guys 7 times last week, and that was the reason why Carolina couldn't hold onto the lead or score more points. So Blitz please...

  3. Win The Battle in the Red Zone: South Carolina does do something that is nearly #1 in the SEC. And that is Red Zone Defense. Arkansas needs to get into that DAMN red zone and score some DAMN touchdowns in order to win this DAMN game against the DAMN Cocks. DAMNit if we don't. Also Arkansas needs to force South Carolina to kick some DAMN field goals because they are DAMN bad at it.

WHAT DA HELL IS THE BEST AND WORST CASE SCENARIOS?

WORST CASE SCENARIO:

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We lose by a lot to this idiot ^^^

BEST CASE SCENARIO:

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R.I.P. Cocks ^^^

My Prediction:

I think the Hogs feast on teams like South Carolina (see Florida last year). South Carolina doesn't have the typical build of a team that can beat the Hogs. Doesn't mean they are necessarily bad, it's just that their style on both offense and defense is not the style that beats the Hogs. Someone pass the chicken...I think the Hogs get it done by 2 Touchdowns...

Arkansas 28
Cocks 14

HOW DA HELL DO I WATCH THIS GAME?

Hey for the first time ever in these editions of "WHO DA HELL", you guys can wake up a little later to get drunk! Preferable time for first beer is 10 AM. Get drunk, eat some chicken before the game starts. Take the leftover chicken, stick a beer in it, and give it to your favorite Gamecock fan...he's gonna need it. Tune into SEC SUCKS NETWORK to watch the Hogs probably blow it! Good news is, YOU'RE DRUNK AF SO YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN!

WHAT DA HELL IS GOING ON ELSEWHERE?

#23 Virginia West vs #8 Horny Toads

The Toads are good this year folks. They are a sleeper for the CFP folks. They got College Gameday and a sold out Froggy stadium folks. Which means, they will naturally lose folks.

Mountain Men 38
Toads Horny 35

#13 MY-ANUS vs FloriDUH State

Watch as the Miami rolls over Florida State to drop the Seminoles to 1-3. Lol remember "THE GREATEST OPENING GAME IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL HISTORY PRESENTED BY EDGY TAYLOR SWIFT AND SHIT?" Good times man...Good Times...

MY-AMMY 27
GREATEST OPENING GAME EVER YA'LL 14

#1 BIG ASS WAVE vs LITTLE ASS DOG

Oh shit Alabama won by 50 again...spare me oh great wave of terror

OUTSCORING SEC OPPONENTS ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY DAMN FIVE TO THREE 56
FRESHMEN QUARTERBACK 3 (INTS)

WAIT, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

This is a quote after the Crimson Tide beat the Ole Piss Black Rebel Bears 66 to fing 3...

"I’ll give them a 5," he said, much to the surprise of the reporters surrounding him. "We did alright. Like I said, we still got a lot of things we can change and improve on, but like I said we’ll get prepared for next week."

Haha...no comment. Just screw ya'll for making the SEC the dumpster fire it is today. Have a nice day and see ya'll next week Bama. Please kick our ass swiftly and as painfully as possible. Please do it so I can here more comments like this. Fing trolls...

ANYTHING ELSE?

Beat those cocks. See ya'll next week (oh shit...it's Bama week next week. I think I just shit myself...)

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