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Harvey Updyke's Way-too-Early SEC Predictions: An Analysis

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TROLL DAMN TIDE

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Offseasons are rough. They're long, miserable, cheerless and, if you consider yourself a big college football fan like most of us do, it's pretty tough to get through the summer months when you know you're going to get the same old headlines and stories up until SEC Media Days in July.

In the meantime, you'll likely see almost every writer give his predictions on the upcoming season, SEC predictions and his/her four teams for the College Football Playoffs while simultaneously telling us which title contender has a schedule full of desserts.

Which is exactly what well-documented Alabama super die hard and former Texas State Trooper Harvey Updyke did for us all. He took to the Twitter machine, and dropped us a load of knowledge on how the SEC is going to play out next year and how Hoover High School could go undefeated against Ohio State's schedule.

Here are Harvey's predictions:

HARVEY THROWIN' SHADE OUT THE GATES. But really, it's hard to tell this early in the game how many wins any team is going to get. The schedule starts out tough with Louisville at home and a trip to Death Valley in the first three weeks. The Tigers should beat Mississippi State, San Jose State and Kentucky, but then comes a gauntlet in at Arkansas, at Ole Miss, at TAMU and vs. Georgia.

That is what hell looks like, folks. I see six for-sure wins on Auburn's schedule right now and a bunch of toss-ups, but Jeremy Johnson is the real deal and may be the best player in the SEC this season. Missed on this one, Harvey.

Woah. Harvey is sipping the Arkansas Kool-Aid this spring, too. Respect, but I don't think Arkansas wins 10 games. I agree they'll likely drop games at Alabama and LSU, but TAMU, Tennessee, Auburn and Ole Miss are games I consider to be toss-ups at this point. I have the Razorbacks winning 8 games, with a possibility for 9. But dammit, Harvey, I hope you're right, man.

Similarly to Arkansas, there's been a lot of hype surrounding the Vols and quarterback Joshua Dobbs, who many think can be the most improved player in the league. Also like Bret Bielema, Butch Jones has Tennessee fans amped for the fall. I'm with Harvey that these games are the Vols' more difficult and all come within a month span, but they also need to watch out for Oklahoma in week 2 and at Florida week 4. I guess I'll go with him on this one – I see 9-3 or 8-4 for the Vols.

One game, Harvey? Georgia doesn't have Aaron Murray or Hutson Mason anymore, man. The Bulldogs will be sending a largely unproven quarterback into next season from what I've seen, so this prediction doesn't make much sense. On the road at Tennessee is a scary game, then everything goes out the window for the Florida game in Jacksonville before trips to Auburn and Georgia Tech in the last three weeks of the season.

Listen, Harvey, I know you're itching for another Alabama-Georgia SEC title game, but maybe ease up a bit. I see several roadblocks for the Dogs in the fall.

I'm pretty on board with this, I think. Mississippi State will still be a solid team with Dak Prescott and De'Runnya Wilson to throw the ball to. The problem is the loss of Josh Robinson, and holes along the offensive line and the defense from last season. I see five sure-fire wins, some toss-ups and huge games with LSU, Alabama and Ole Miss all coming to Starkville. Nice job, Harvey. Good call on State.

Hugh Freeze gave Ryan Buchanan the slight edge at the end of spring ball, per Red Cup Rebellion, but that still doesn't give me confidence to say the Rebels win "maybe 9" games. I see five for-sure wins on their schedule, but to get to 9 wins, Ole Miss would have to win four in the SEC West, and I'm not sold on that happening with the QB1 situation up in the air. I'd go with maybe 7-8 wins. Not sold on the Rebels just yet.

Hell to the no on this one. Unless Leonard Fournette figures out how to play quarterback this offseason this ain't gonna happen. Malachi Dupre was a stud in spring ball, and that's all fine and good, but LSU still needs a solid guy who can get him the ball. Brandon Harris and Anthony Jennings will be battling again for QB1, and Les will need to get that issue solved before any talks of an 11-1 magical season happening.

But, I'll go ahead and put Fournette in the Heisman discussion. Dude's a city.

Like I said earlier, I'm not sold on Georgia yet with an unproven quarterback, but Keith Marshall and Nick Chubb are a couple of bad dudes running the ball. However, if Alabama were to lose a game, Harvey thinks it'd be to the Bulldogs:

Updyke also took some time to bash the schedules of Rammer Jammer's biggest threats to the throne:

Maybe back when Two-A-Days was on MTV, but not now.

A HAMSTER!

And in parting, Harvey reminds us he's a good ole boy just like the rest of us (kind of):