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So our very own Ryan Higgins wrote a review of the game against A&M that basically read like a 16 year old girl who just got dumped at prom. I just can't let him get away with it, just not in my nature. So this is the blog where I break down Ryan's article (and in turn... breakdown Ryan) so he can become a better version of himself. I'm doing this for you Rye.
Now- full disclosure here- I didn't really feel the emotions of that fourth quarter like Ryan, and most Hog fans did. Let me go ahead and lay out the setting real quick. I didn't go to Dallas because I'm at this point in my life where I just can't stand inconveniences. I think this happens to most people in their 40's, but I'll be damned if it didn't hit me at 26. So anyway, I went over to a buddy's house where myself and a group of friends set up a tailgate-like atmosphere outside, which in itself is a totally innocent and understandable move. Where things got hairy is when we decided to do fireball** shots for important plays. Here's a little pro tip for you kids out there - don't play open ended drinking games - ever. If we had laid down more specific ground rules like "Shot for every touchdown" or "shot for every third down stop" etc. etc. we would have been fine. But no, we went with a set of rules that were so unspecific that we were doing shots for essentially any play that seemed to be in our favor. I specifically remember getting a pass break up on a first down and the group looking at each other and saying "Yep, that's a huge play..... fireball." ...and down the rabbit hole we went.
** I know fireball is like the most stereotypical basic thing in the world but I don't care. It's delicious.
And with all that said.... Let's take Ryan to task.
Dan Skipper
Stop blaming the refs for his tripping call, Hog fans. I know it's in our blood to blame the refs, but that was so blatantly obvious they couldn't let it go. Are refs sometimes so dumb that they don't which way to face when reporting a call? Yes, but everyone saw that trip. This isn't a "DAN SKIPPER YOU COST THE HAWGS THE GAME" comment. It is simply the point in the game that the momentum swung against the Hogs. It's a team sport blah blah blah and plenty of other things contributed to the Razorback's loss.
In an article filled with ridiculous hyperbole, this might take the cake. Stop blaming the refs? Are you being serious right now bro? I've seen no less than 70 Hog losses in my life and I'll go ahead and say refs where the cause of 66 of them. That's just the way it goes in Hog Nation. Ref's scheme against us. You know it. They know it. We all know it. Can't be a conspiracy theory if it's true. Just a fact.
John Henson
I don't blame John Henson, I blame Bielema. How is this former walk-on suppose to have any confidence when Bielema comes out earlier in the season and says he doesn't trust the kid kicking anything over 42 yards? Also, did Cole Hedlund really not win this job in the off-season? If the kid is as good as they say he is, he should have just started as a freshman like Zach Hocker did. Don't forget, A&M's kicker missed a field goal in this game as well.
It's called tough love Ryan. Motivation. You can't just go out there and call your players great or they'll get lazy on you. Every heard of Bear Bryant? You think he ever said he trusted his kicker outside of 42 yards? No, he didn't. You know what Bear Bryant did do? Win a crapload of football games. Hey Ryan, I'm over here on the side of Bear Bryant and Bert. I'll take that side every single time. Does it feel lonely over there?
Jim Chaney's play-calling
I wish someone on Monday Night Countdown would dedicate their "C'mon Man" to some of those play calls. A tight end reverse with AJ Derby? That's as bad as a quarterback draw with AJ Derby
I bet Ryan's favorite ice cream is vanilla and he loves the efficiency of a Toyota Corolla. Add some flavor in your life, man. Maybe next time when you go to Wendy's you make a bold move and go with the spicy nugs rather than the basic nugs even though you know they may (100% will) give you heartburn. Also, when you have a jumbo athlete like A.J. Derby you feed that man the ball. End of story. Loved the play call. Loved everything about it.
The "it should have been a false start" play that won it for the Aggies
Yes, it should have been a false start. However, they could have ran that same play from the 30 and he STILL would have scored a touchdown.
I honestly really don't want to write about the space time continuum and explain how it works. You're a grown up. Google it, read about it, learn about it, and realize that you really couldn't be more wrong here. (Probably need to educate yourself more in general... just saying )
Kenny Hill
Kenny Trill/Hill/Football whatever, shut the hell up I hate you as much as Johnny Manziel now.
Trill is a combination of "True" and "Real." I don't have much to add here except that I need everyone to know that I didn't look that up on Urban Dictionary. I just knew it. Off the top of my head....
Verne Lundquist
I love Uncle Verne, but I know the man is well past his prime. Pro tip: flip your roster sheet because you are reading everyone's name backwards. It's not "Henry Hunter" or "Hatcher Keon." Hunter Henry's mom even tweeted at CBSSports that she named her son "Hunter Henry." If that's what his momma calls him, that's what I'm going to call him.
IF HE FLIPPED HIS ROSTER SHEET IT WOULD JUST BE UPSIDE DOWN!!!! CHAOS!! HOW CAN YOU BE THIS DUMB!?
White helmets
I hate them. The Hogs always lose in them (I know. Texas Tech. But it still feels like that's the only win in white helmets in the modern era). They are bad luck. It is science. Get rid of them.
This actually shocked me because I just assumed Ryan's favorite color was white.
PS- I'm literally praying you OP-ED my OP-ED.
