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Bret Bielema at SEC Media Days Recap: Gary Pinkel, Gus Malzahn, HUNH, Fiction Movies, Sexy Stuff, AND MORE

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So is the Arkansas/Missouri game going to be known as "The Fiction Bowl"? Hope not, because that's weak.

Marvin Gentry-USA TODAY Sports

Bret Bielema made his long-awaited appearance at SEC Media Days Wednesday afternoon, and it went thankfully relatively smooth.

He went through the position groups on the roster, as anticipated. Everybody's better.

Things threatened to get a bit chippy early in the day when Missouri coach Gary Pinkel dismissed the player safety argument in regards to HUNH teams as "fiction." However, unlike last year, when Gus Malzahn called it a "joke", Bielema didn't launch into an angry spiel about how serious he is. This time he just talked about how he prefers "reality-based" movies and that was that.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-partner="tweetdeck"><p>Bielema: As far as playing no huddle offenses, it is absolutely one of the most enjoyable things I do as a coach</p>&mdash; Thomas Murphy (@TomMurphyADG) <a href="https://twitter.com/TomMurphyADG/statuses/489499533328793600">July 16, 2014</a></blockquote>

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It might sound crazy but it really is true. Look at how Arkansas did against HUNH/spread teams last year (A&M, Auburn, Ole Miss, Mississippi State) and how they did against traditional offensive teams (Alabama, Florida, South Carolina, LSU) and they fared much, much better against the HUNH/spread teams. Other than the LSU game, it wasn't close.

That being said, he did not tack on "but it might kill you", so that's good.

He did say that he talks with Gus Malzahn when necessary, and that while they don't break bread with each other, they don't throw bread or rocks at each other, either. Which, really, is unfortunate.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-partner="tweetdeck"><p>Does Bret Bielema believe Nick Marshall will start vs. Arkansas? &quot;Knowing what I know as a head coach Nick will be there.&quot;</p>&mdash; Brandon Marcello (@bmarcello) <a href="https://twitter.com/bmarcello/statuses/489500696879058944">July 16, 2014</a></blockquote>

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That's the only other real Auburn talk. Arkansas is planning for Nick Marshall as we anticipated. Too bad Bielema didn't say "IT'S LESS THAN AN OUNCE OF WEED, MAN."

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-partner="tweetdeck"><p>Bret: &quot;On defense we&#39;ve brought our leading tackler. It&#39;s never a good thing when you&#39;re leading tackler is a safety.&quot;</p>&mdash; Steven Godfrey (@38Godfrey) <a href="https://twitter.com/38Godfrey/statuses/489493789409832961">July 16, 2014</a></blockquote>

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You ain't just whistlin' Dixie, coach.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-partner="tweetdeck"><p>Bielema on the A&amp;M/Arkansas series in Dallas - That&#39;s a huge recruiting advantage for us. We can tell kids in TX you&#39;ll play in JerryWorld</p>&mdash; Derek (@DerekAggie06) <a href="https://twitter.com/DerekAggie06/statuses/489501034604007424">July 16, 2014</a></blockquote>

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We know Arkansas loves the Dallas game. I maintain that A&M will come to their senses as soon as possible and opt not to renew the contract because it makes much less sense for them. Now that they're building a 100,000+ seat stadium and really don't need it for recruiting, why play that game? Why not make Arkansas ever come to College Station?

And if it is such a huge recruiting advantage for Arkansas, as we've been told since the first A&M game there in 2009, when are we going to get the infusion of signees from Texas?  It certainly hasn't happened yet.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-partner="tweetdeck"><p>&quot;We&#39;ll get to you, Bob&quot; - Bielema to Celebrity Bob Holt, who hasn&#39;t yet worked the mic.</p>&mdash; Steven Godfrey (@38Godfrey) <a href="https://twitter.com/38Godfrey/statuses/489498705306083328">July 16, 2014</a></blockquote>

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BIELEMA DELAYED BOB HOLT! Who knew it could be done? The champion has been challenged!

Bielema described many of his hired on Arkansas' staff, as well as the three players he chose to bring to SEC Media Days, as "not sexy hires" or "not the sexy choice" like a quarterback, and that's part of his philosophy. More substance than style.

But when he does get some sexy, he acknowledges it:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-partner="tweetdeck"><p>Bielema on Bijhon Jackson: &quot;He&#39;s got an incredible ass.&quot;</p>&mdash; Barrett Sallee (@BarrettSallee) <a href="https://twitter.com/BarrettSallee/statuses/489506940448284672">July 16, 2014</a></blockquote>

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All in all, pretty solid performance. He did let it slip, however, that they've instituted "Hoganese" as a jargon specific to the team, and the media had plenty of fun with that.

Bret Bielema

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Alan Turner

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Brey Cook

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