In anticipation of tomorrow's battle against No. 1 Alabama, we asked Rasputin, our staff soothsayer and a seemingly hundreds-of-years-old Russian immigrant, to offer his prediction for the game. Rasputin - who once served as Mamie Eisenhower's spiritual adviser until he drew Ike's ire by getting a little too close to her - has been a rabid Razorbacks football fan since the program's debut in 1894.
After the jump is his game forecast, which he derived with the help of what you'll surely agree is a wholly unexpected source:
I am inexplicably struck with visions of the town of Fordyce!
Why must my thoughts run to the Middle of Nowhere?
Answer: I am being summoned by the spirit of The Bear!
With a twinkle in his eye and an impish little grin,
Bear growls, 'It will surprise you whom I'm picking to win!'
He says the hero of the day shall be the one they call Hocker,
and foresees a spirited celebration in the room that holds his locker!
And so it shall be, for whom am I to doubt?
'Woooo Pig Sooie' we both thunder and shout!
The Houndstooth One then bids me a hearty good-bye,
And I savor his forecast with a stout bottle of rye.
the mighty and accomplished warriors of Alabama - 31."