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BREAKING NEWS: Schadenfreude Widespread this Morning in Arkansas

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After Houston Nutt's Ole Miss Rebels lost last night on ESPN to South Carolina 16-10, witnesses began reporting smiles, chuckles, belly laughs, grins, and sounds of "I told you so!" and "That is what we've been talking about!" from Eudora and Helena in the East all way across the state to Fort Smith and Fayetteville in the West. Additional sources from around the globe report that Arkansas fans the world over have had similar reactions to the final score of last night's game. 

When the news broke out of Columbia, local weatherman Ned Perme went on air immediately to show the counties affected. He was quoted as saying, "This was nearly instantaneous. But an odd thing, we did see a sign of schadenfreude appear over LA and the USC campus and Auburn, Alabama, before even some counties in Arkansas."

Now certain to fall from their number four national ranking in the polls, Ole Miss is slated to face Vanderbilt next weekend. Past performances indicate that a Nutt coached team usually loses the next conference game after losing the first one. Local Razorback experts say that if Ole Miss were to lose to Vanderbilt that the schadenfreude in Arkansas will be so thick and apparent that Mississippi very well might declare war on Arkansas. An undisclosed source close to the Mississippi governor was quoted as saying after the game, "We've had to put up with 'Thank God for Mississippi' all these years from those jackasses across the river. And now this! We might just have to take those hillbillies out. They'll surrender in a day!" When asked to respond, an undisclosed source close to the Arkansas governor had this to say: "Nutts!"