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Reasons to Hate: Florida


Editor's note: we didn't publish a Reasons to Hate for Auburn last week because of various Expat work and travel schedules. Rest assured, the intern who allowed this to happen has been fired without mercy.

This season we're resurrecting an old feature charmingly called Reasons to Hate. As a public service to you, the Hog fan, we'll be providing a handy pre-game cheat sheet detailing why you should hate each one of the Razorbacks' opponents this fall. Some weeks will be easier than others...

1. Too Much is Too Much. We always root against the Gators for the same reason we root against the New York Yankees, the Duke Blue Devils, Microsoft, the British in 1776 and the Galactic Empire in the Star Wars movies.

2. A Certain Lack of Perspective. Even in a league full of obnoxious and overexcited fans (except of the Arkansas variety, of course - we're always perfect), Florida backers stand out above the rest.

3. Urban Meyer. The man knows how to coach, no doubt, but he also boasts a rare combination of humorlessness, oversensitivity and bully tendencies that makes him one of the least likable figures in the SEC. For example, his calling of multiple timeouts at the end of last year's Florida-Georgia game just to rub in the blowout was about as unclassy as it gets, and he's been known to whine endlessly about every tiny slight, real or perceived, that comes his way. We feel good about putting him last our prestigious SEC Coach Road Trip Rankings earlier this year.

4. Tebow Hype. Tim Tebow is a very good football player who, by all accounts, is a nice guy off the field. That's great and all, but the level of fawning adoration he's received (from grown men, by the way) since stepping foot on the Florida campus has even surpassed Favre-ian proportions. Not that it's necessarily his fault, but that's life. As a case study, how about this gem from Thom Brennaman during the BCS game last year:

"If you're fortunate to spend 5 or 20 minutes around Tim Tebow, you're better for it."


Because others can articulate it more artfully than we can, here are two really great quotes describing the announcing that game:


"He was undressing Tebow with his eyes from the first moment of the broadcast and proceeded to go on a four-hour stalker-type rant that only he only paused every now and again to point out how awful of human beings the Oklahoma Sooners are."


"According to Fox announcer Thom Brennaman—and if you don't agree with him, you must be some kind of deranged lunatic—Tim Tebow just may be the finest human being to ever live on this planet or any other. If fact, Thom Brennaman himself felt like little more than a puny insignificant speck in the fearful presence of Tim Tebow's greatness. Of course, Tim Tebow is made of such generous spirit and delicious candy that he cured Brennaman of his fear (and his adult acne), making him feel completely at ease and joyful simply by performing a Gator chomp with Tebow-esque hands."