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Wally Watch: February 27 and March 4, 2009

Wally Watch

Wally Watch: Where we read Wally Hall so you don't have to.

February 27, 2009: 2009 Razorbacks could learn from 1994 Hogs

Primary Theme: Something is rotten in Fayetteville, and the way to fix it is by following the example of the ’94 national champs.

Yes, We Counted: In classic Wally style, there are 29 sentences in this column spread across a whopping 26 paragraphs. We’re guessing that those three Faulkneresque paragraphs that actually have two sentences each were mistakes of some sort.

We Love it When Wally Gets Passive-Aggressive #1: As the most prominent sportswriter in the state (!!!), Wally undoubtedly has plenty of inside sources. But, he generally prefers to use this info to drop vague hints rather than taking a firm stand. For example: "Any time a team goes from 23-12 to 13-13, there are going to be whispers about turmoil among the staff, between players or both…While there is no way this team could be as dysfunctional as last year's team, something isn't right."

Folksy Metaphor Alert: "Courtney Fortson is more fun to watch than night baseball"

March 4, 2009: Tournaments are another chance to impress

Primary Theme: Wally returns to one of his favorite topics - playing the good host to out-of-towners who are attending local basketball tournaments and exhorting readers to please be nice.

Ask Not What Your Tournament Can Do For You, But What You Can Do For Your Tournament: "It is a time for every Arkansan to shine and make every visitor feel that "y'all come back now" is a heartfelt invitation."

Wally Hall Writing Tip #187: Randomly dropping the names of various local figures is a great way to achieve maximum folksiness. Donald and Marie McDonald, Rob and Jill Jolly, Paul're today's lucky honorees!

But on Sunday, Unleash Hell: "There are going to be a lot of people wandering around North Little Rock's Main Street and the River Market wearing orange and other colors, and until Sunday they are our guests, not opponents."

We Love it When Wally Gets Passive-Aggressive #2: "This is why we have a $20 million trolley system. It might actually be full a few times."

Hot Springs Travel Tips: "From Oaklawn Park and Instant Racing to the eclectic shops on Central Avenue - not to mention the incredible art galleries and hot baths - the Spa City is a great vacation destination." (Wally makes a pretty good tourism writer, but we hope he never ever stops writing sports columns.)