In anticipation of tomorrow's battle against Texas A&M, we asked Rasputin, our staff soothsayer and a seemingly ageless Russian immigrant, to offer his prediction for the game. A deeply emotional and volatile man who has been a rabid Razorback football fan since the program's debut in 1894, Rasputin has been in a serious, serious funk since last Saturday's shellacking at the hands of the Crimson Tide. He has been sleeping 20 hours a day and passing the other four hours by crying hysterically and chugging vodka madly.
He did find a moments to retire to his snake-filled meditation chamber, where he formulated the following forecast:
"O darkest misery, why must thy visit me so,
my soul you have grabbed and it you won't let go.
But in the grips of a numbing depression caused by the Tide,
it is the whispers of an old friend that kills my urge to hide.
As the serpents crawl and drop from the sky,
I suddenly see the ghost of old Shelby standing before my eye.
Flashing that familiar, inexplicable grin,
he pats my shoulders and gently rubs my chin.
'Cheer up, 'ole Raz, for there is much to be happy for,
Fall is here, with its brilliant colors galore.'
But if a pleasant Saturday afternoon you seek,
When ESPN comes on, turn the other cheek.
Your Hogs have beaten my Aggies two years in a row,
this year, however, A&M will prove too much of a foe.'
In a dizzying instant, I knew he was right,
And so I let out a guttural scream with all my might:
my soul you have grabbed and it you won't let go.
But in the grips of a numbing depression caused by the Tide,
it is the whispers of an old friend that kills my urge to hide.
As the serpents crawl and drop from the sky,
I suddenly see the ghost of old Shelby standing before my eye.
Flashing that familiar, inexplicable grin,
he pats my shoulders and gently rubs my chin.
'Cheer up, 'ole Raz, for there is much to be happy for,
Fall is here, with its brilliant colors galore.'
But if a pleasant Saturday afternoon you seek,
When ESPN comes on, turn the other cheek.
Your Hogs have beaten my Aggies two years in a row,
this year, however, A&M will prove too much of a foe.'
In a dizzying instant, I knew he was right,
And so I let out a guttural scream with all my might:
SHELBY!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!
The mighty warriors of A&M - 28,
the mighty warriors of Arkansas - 24."
the mighty warriors of Arkansas - 24."
Well, we've heard from Rasputin. Now let's hear from you. Vote in the poll, and pipe up in the comments thread.