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An Open Letter on the Subject of Job Security

Dear national sports media, opposing fans and assorted haters of all stripes,

We have some news that you won't like to hear. Better sit down if you're not already, because these next few sentences won't be easy for you to read.

Bobby Petrino is staying at Arkansas. For a long time. Yes, this may deprive you of a can't miss punchline, or an easy snide reference any time the concept of a coach moving to another job comes up. It might make you have to think a little harder next time you need a name that conveys the utter worst in humanity, and we're truly sorry for this. But, you'll have to look elsewhere for the cheap gags because:

* contract extended through 2017 ("yes, but what about that 10 year contract he signed at Louisville?" you're saying)

* non-compete clause now includes the entire SEC instead of the West division only ("haha, there are only 100 other schools out there for him to go to, am I right?")

* buyout of $18 million for each of the next two seasons, remaining over $10 million through 2015 and plummeting to a measly $3.925 million in 2017 (*crickets chirping*)

That last bullet point is kind of important, by the way.

For us Razorback fans, though, this is a pretty great day. Our coach is locked up, Arkansas is headed to the Sugar Bowl and the rest of the SEC might be feeling a little less good about the situation brewing up in Fayettevile because the Hogs aren't going away any time soon.

In closing, it's been a fun ride and all, but you'll need to direct the scorn somewhere else for awhile (hint: Auburn).

Sincerely yours and Woo Pig Sooie,

All of us at