Reasons to Hate: Ole Miss

We suspect that you won't need any extra help getting fired up for Saturday's game, but just in case here's a handy cheat sheet to get you started:

1. We'll Go Ahead And Get This One Out Of The Way. Something about text messages and flying banners and offensive coordinators and calling that play brotha and loving that helmet and...um, we forget the rest. Who were we talking about, again?

2. Frankly, Losing This Game Would Be Disastrous. Like, "call in the National Guard and the Red Cross because the entire state is melting down" disastrous. Can you imagine a scenario in which the Hogs fall to 0-3 against Houston Nutt, lose to a team that lost to a D-IAA team and drop to last place in the conference all in one fell swoop? We had a mild stroke just trying to imagine what that would be like. If the Hogs don't get the win on Saturday then all hell will break loose in Arkansas. And we really mean that literally...it will be UGLY.

3. Guard Your Laptops, Fayetteville Residents. The whole thing with Jeremiah Masoli getting booted off the Oregon team after committing multiple offenses (like, actual crimes) but then winding up at Ole Miss to pursue his dream of a Parks & Recreation graduate degree coincidently after Ole Miss lost their projected starting QB for the season? Kinda sleazy, even by the low standards of college athletics.

4. They're A Team With An Identity Crisis. We know who we are: Razorbacks. End of story. But, our friends across the river seem to be a little less sure of themselves. Are they Rebels? Black bears? Admiral Ackbars, even? It's like they're torn between their slightly racist past and blandly generic present. Come on guys, figure out who you are and then own it.

5. Simply Put, We're Better Than They Are. We don't mean on the football field (although that's true, too), we mean in every other quantifiable way. The fact is that the phrase "Thank God for Mississippi" was invented for a reason. And that reason is that God made Arkansas (and Arkansans) better than our neighbor to the east. We can't argue with that truth, so let's look down on #50 from our #49 perch and enjoy our superiority.